NOT “Plenty of Fish”!
[Note: This blog was published in 2012].
So this may be one of the most daring things I ever do and it is certainly the most uncontrolled experiment I have ever conducted.
This blog item is not about the state of the oceans but about dating sites like “Plenty of Fish” and my reality as a vibrant, single 49-year-old woman.
As any reader of “The Marine Detective” knows, there are NOT plenty of fish in the sea. There are massive conservation and management efforts needed for marine ecosystems before it is too late.
I perceive the metaphor with regard to relationships to be equality untrue. There are not “Plenty of Fish”, at least not at my trophic level in the ecosystem in which I want to continue to live.
I of course respect the utility of such online dating sites and recognize that there are many out there that have met the love of their lives in this way.
It’s not for me though.
I would prefer a site named “Deep Sea Bottom Trawling” where the first thing you do, to increase efficiency in finding those of like intentions, would be to choose your method of “fishing” i.e. catch and release (one night stands); bottom trawling (indiscriminate and destructive); seining (slowly closing a net of no escape); long-lining (many hooks in the water); trolling (more selective due to using appropriate hooks for your target catch) . . . you get the idea AND some flavour of my sense of humour.
By virtue of my unique name and lifestyle, and my on-line presence as “The Marine Detective”, I would have little hope on a dating site of finding balance between revealing anything about myself and preserving some anonymity. This has led to my thinking, why not take things entirely into my own hands and put my “single, very happy but wanting it all” status out in a world of those who have a sense of what I am about?
I hope the humanity of this has you smiling as a reader and not thinking “Ooooh – this is awkward!”
So here goes:
- My good traits? They are revealed in all things related to The Marine Detective – I am passionate, driven to make a positive difference, adventurous, independent, introspective, articulate, funny, creative, strong; honest, hard-working, and accomplished.
- My negative traits? They are the same as the list above but would be perceived by someone who does not have the same value system; who does not have a strong sense of self; and /or is feeling weakened by middle age as my being: intense, uncompromising, demanding, scattered, blunt, workaholic, and eek . . . a feminist! (As if equality would be a bad thing for either gender).
So that’s it folks, my hopes are likely no different than many of yours.
Despite the scarring and lessons-learned of previous relationships, I still have the hope of being able to have it all and that somehow, maybe as a result of my daring to write this blog, that I will end up with a man with whom I have a deep connection, and can build a partnership where we swim in a sea of love, truth, passion, and mutual respect.
I want to share this extraordinary, privileged life with a very rare fish with a rich life of his own.
If you know of one, please throw him a line!
30 Responses to “NOT “Plenty of Fish”!”
September 22nd – Sitting here with ice in my veins having just accidentally hit “Publish” instead of “Update” on this blog item. I had drafted it IN CASE I ever decided I really wanted to publish it. Now it’s out there. “Meant to be” or NOT? I am soon to find out.
Well! Well! I have to agree! Mind like people! Perfect! Then I can meet POF people at Oh! Yea support the protests like Jim Sinclair on taking the Coast Guard out.
Really appreciate getting a reaction so soon after accidentally hitting “publish” Go Wild. Thank you!
I think this is brilliant! Your ‘audience’ knows you and what you love and value.. cast the net far and wide! Love that you hit ‘publish’ instead of ‘update’.. but really will be ‘ up dating’ soon 🙂
Love you Jac!
Your magnetic- happy hunting!
Thanks so much for the kind encouragement Paul!
After reading your new blog item, Jackie I have a big smile on my face. I can imagine the panic when you realize what you accidentally did, most of us I’m sure have hyperventilated when we realized we’d hit send instead of save….I remember when I did ;-O Now I’m thinking of the single men I know so ya never know what this will bring your way. Now anyone out there interested in a 40 yr old wonderful but shy laidback bushy kind of guy…get in touch I’m his Mom ;-D
Huge smile to you Kathy – always. Will definitely have a think. Any son of yours has to be quite something. I love the spectrum of responses this is getting. I never could have anticipated this and it heartens me in so many ways.
I think it is a great post! The dating sites can be daunting at the best of times. I doubt you’ll have a hard time finding your perfect “fish”! Good luck to us both 🙂
What, at this stage of this “experiment” has become so evident, is how many brilliant women are out there with the same relentless hopes.
I’m wondering why none of the pictures of your last birthday are posted??? (or any of your other shenanigans young lady)
I think you forgot to add how crazy funny and fun you are Jackie.
Ok we all know how smart you are blahblahblah.. but you failed to mention the increcibly wonderful friends you have. Yup that’s right future suitor-fish…we’re part of the package. xox
I love you Gillian and indeed, you are so part of the package and I indeed failed to mention how my friends would SO enhance anyone’s life.
Way to go Jackie!! The way you put yourself out there is truly inspiring and admirable. I know something great will come out of it!
Gillian…you are hilarious, as always!
Thank you so much Erin for this optimism and kindness!
Gillian, couldn’t agree more! I have photo’s to share!!
Oh no you don’t!
well this is what I was thinking Jacqui. A more balanced approach. wait… I think I may even have some video footage!
Brave and well put. Hope you get a keeper worthy of a great fish tale.
Such a kindness to comment Julie and of course love the further fishing analogy. Thank you!
I applaud your POF post. Be bold and ask for what you want. I spent 3 summers kayak guiding up your way. I fully support your quest.
Thanks so Gehard. Love your “Running Through the Rain” post.
I Love Just Love You Jackie. May Schools of Fish & Pods of Whales swim your way! Hope you get lots of nibbles! PS You forgot Beautiful Inside & Out, Patient & Kind.
Oh Kelley . . . thank you so much for this great kindness. I find it hard to express how much it means to me!
Jackie, this is fantastic – your “methods of fishing” made me laugh out loud. 😀
Thanks Megan. One of the very positive things that has come out of my posting the blog is how many people can identify with the reality lurking in that humour. I’ve not had any “nibbles” yet but, with lines in the water, if that very special fish comes along, there is more chance of that happening. Oh the joy of fishing metaphors!
From an anonymous commenter (and very dear friend). I thought I would share it here as I find the feedback inspiring and it may inspire others to step off the ledge.
“It perfectly epitomizes you and who you are and you’re fabulous take-charge personality. Seriously, I think it’s daring and brilliant and shows the world that you would never be one to sit around a ‘wait’, but that you have an amazing, full life and would love to have a partner to share it with.
As always, you blow me away with your wit, prose, sincerity and bravery. So many of us are too scared to change our lives and go after what we want because we are terrified. Only those that take happiness into their own hands truly find it. So cheers to taking a big step off the ledge- as always, I know you’ll fly instead of fall- of this I’m certain.”
What about the spear fishing option- Shot thru the heart.
Oooh clever Eiko! Bon Jovi would approve too.